Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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