Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
