so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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