he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize