For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
