So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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