i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I believe in your delicious
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
