It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
