i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's never too late to be topless.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I need a beard to bite.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
