The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
