Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
