the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
