dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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