Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
