She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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