the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
