I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
