P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
