I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
