Tell her she can't have a vagina
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
