Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i dont even know how to be here
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
