It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
