If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Randomize
