so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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