Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
