dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
