Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
