Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
