Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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