so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
