i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
