New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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