So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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