I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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