all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
