alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
