ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
