Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
