Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
