AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
