you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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