A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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