there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
