Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
