They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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