All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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