there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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