Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
