we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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