FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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