Who did Billy Mays play for?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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