wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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