Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
His nipple licking is glorious
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