You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just google imaged poop.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
