how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
