And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize