There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
