one might say we're banned from that church
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't deserve a penis
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
