i love accidental penises.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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