I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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