these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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