Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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