I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I haven't been this sober since birth.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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