Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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