I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
